There are people we will meet in our lives who are brimming with positive energy and ready to empower us, while others leave us feeling depleted. If you ever want a good and balanced life, you must learn how to be educated about toxic people. It is essential to identify and consciously disengage from poisonous people because being around them can drain you mentally and emotionally. In this blog post, it will not be hard to identify the people in your life that you should not pay much attention to if you value your mental well-being and overall happiness.
1. The Chronic Complainer
The Chronic Complainer: Always one to see the glass half-empty, this person believes in woe-is-me and faults everything and everyone. If you spend the evening with a Chronic Complainer, you’ll soon be feeling like a wet towel.
If you’re around a Chronic Complainer, you’ll hear something like: ‘I just can’t believe this happened to me again… All I ever seem to get is bad luck… Nothing ever seems to go my way… What’s the use of having a life if it’s got to be like this… I guess this is as good as it will ever get.’ Comments from Chronic Complainers dwell on the negative aspects of events or life in general. People like this tend to focus on problems instead of good news. If they’re experiencing a lot of negativity, most of their time seems spent this way. Chronic Complainers can also be drawn to Negative News Junkies, but by now, you know what to do about them. Politely change the subject if they complain about how horrible people are and get away from them as soon as possible.
2. The Manipulative Narcissist
Manipulative Narcissists not only have an inflated sense of entitlement and unrealistic sense of superiority but also have a deep need for attention and admiration from others. They will probably use fraudulent charm to exploit others, thus at high risk of damaging others emotionally. They will even go to the extent of making you feel inferior and worthless.
Red flags include an inflated sense of self-importance; a tendency to talk excessively about their achievements, desires, and problems; inappropriate feelings of grandeur and euphoria; a lack of empathy for others’ emotions; a tendency to make others feel like a ‘prick,’ a ‘loser’ or ‘worse than nothing’; and as-needed guilt-trips, shaming and flattery. Recommended approaches to a Manipulative Narcissist include not entangling yourself with them and setting limits firmly.
3. The Gossip Monger
The Gossip Monger likes to spread rumors and gossip about other people and enjoys talking about the intimate lives and issues of others. Gossip can be very hurtful and divisive, creating the potential between words for broken friendships and hurt feelings.
To recognize a gossipmonger, look and listen to what they say about others when present. If they regularly divulge personal tidbits or negatively gossip about someone else, consider them unable to keep the information confidential. Keep your distance. Don’t supply them with further gossip or gossip about them. If they gossip to you, then, generally speaking, they will gossip about you.
4. The Energy Vampire
An energy Vampire leaches a person of their vital life force. They are prone to consuming an outsized amount of your time and attention. You tend to leave them feeling emotionally drained after an encounter, be it by their constant need for counseling or help from others that is rarely reciprocated or their disorganization and tendency to drop things on your plate or offload their problems as if you were their therapist or their Great White Hope.
You might have an Energy Vampire on your hands if they constantly crave validation from you, have poor boundaries, or seems too needy of your time. Some good clues to look out for are a history of volatile relationships, a history of victimhood or self-denial, and being openly horrified by what makes you happy. If you feel like you are being drained – and who wouldn’t, if this is your chosen hobby – set some firm boundaries regarding the time you can give to the offender and the support you can provide. It’s not your job to fix her or cater to any unspoken whims she regularly has.
5. The Pathological Liar
The Pathological Liar is someone whose psychopathology causes them to lie compulsively. They might make up stories, exaggerate or embroider actual events, or, as the name suggests, tell lies for no reason – or for what might seem to be no reason (they developed the habit when very young or have amnesia; it’s just the way they are). Being around a Pathological Liar is exceptionally frustrating because it can be challenging to believe anything they say.
Look for numerous story inconsistencies and a common embellishment thread in a Pathological Liar. When confronted with questions, their reactions may be defensive or angry, and they deny their tales. When your intuition tells you that the person is a liar, you may be correct, and it seems to be best to disconnect yourself from such a person when you get even a pang in your stomach. A relationship that is not grounded in trust is not healthy at all.
6. The Perpetual Victim
A Perpetual Victim is someone who consistently believes that they are a victim of circumstance and that others are to blame for their internal negativity. Perpetual Victims rarely take any personal responsibility for the problems in their lives. Being around a Perpetual Victim is a miserable experience, and it can profoundly affect and hinder a person’s ability to improve themselves or solve their issues.
Classic symptoms of the Perpetual Victim include unending requests for sympathy, an unwillingness to do anything to change their situation, as well as a ‘poor me’ attitude. Victims-in-denial might also lash out at those who suggest that the problem may lie with them and that some action is required to improve things. When you are pulled into the swirl of negativity, offer empathy, then close the loops around what you can reasonably give. Encourage the victim to seek professional help.
7. The Toxic Enabler
Toxic Enablers are people who support or endorse the harmful behaviors of others, perhaps making excuses for someone’s out-of-control behavior, resourcing habits and behaviors that clients know are destructive to themselves or others, or failing to set boundaries with those people who are perpetuating their unhealthy or harmful patterns of behavior. Enabling can have severe consequences and deters people from processing reality.
Red flags that someone is a Toxic Enabler are continually bailing out other people’s messes, excusing away problems, valuing the comfort of the person acting out over your well-being, and being defensive if someone questions your enabling. You can protect yourself by setting firm boundaries and refusing to collude with them on both the personal and universal levels. Genuine support does not safeguard a person from the natural ramifications of their actions.
Case Study: Will’s Journey to Healthier Relationships
Will, 35, a marketing guy, admitted that he had struggled to cultivate genuinely healthy and nourishing relationships, professionally and personally, for as long as he could remember. He suffered from a pervasive feeling of drainage and frustration when dealing with people. Will said: ‘I would often find myself going from one toxic person, fuelling another in the process, and before I was aware, I was surrounded by a group of dark-souled people. I couldn’t stand the torture anymore.’
Will had no problem saying yes, no matter how much it meant that he ended up exhausting himself to the point that he was unhappy and emotionally unwell. He needed ways to protect himself from all these undermining influences and build better connections with more nurturing people. One day, Will chanced upon a blog post with an enticing title, ‘7 Types of People You Need To Avoid Completely’.
He taught himself to identify the traits of the Chronic Complainers, Manipulative Narcissists, Gossip Mongers, Energy Vampires, Pathological Liars, Perpetual Victims, and Toxic Enablers. Armed with knowledge about the warning signs and the corrosive effect these people may have on his life, Will began to make appropriate choices regarding whom he included in his network and excluded. He distanced himself from the toxic individuals even as he built healthy relationships with people who brought uplift and support. Will felt better, looked better, and led a better life.
Key Takeaways
- Keep an eye on complainers who can bring you down and make your life seem difficult.
- Wariness is especially called for when it comes to narcissists – selfish and manipulative personalities who exploit others and have little regard for others’ feelings.
- Steer clear of those who delight in sensational gossip and spreading scandal, for they secretly harbor hatred, leading to friction and broken trust.
- Draw boundaries in your life with people who siphon your mental or emotional energy, consume hours of your time, and, despite your constant support, rarely change.
- Distance yourself from chronic liars who relish exaggerating and fabricating – in short, from liars. This subverts mutual trust, which generates frustration in the long run.
- When people are in the throes of victimhood, offer empathy – but remember that they must also engage in some self-reflection and self-responsibility.
- Recognize that you are not helping by making excuses, providing resources for bad habits, or failing to set boundaries.
Conclusion
Life’s human relationships can be fraught with difficulty, but it’s up to you to ensure that you feel safe and secure in knowing what to look out for, what to maintain, what to renovate, and what to remove from your life. Learning to recognize the signs of toxic behavior – such as perpetual negativity, manipulation, gossiping, having a tendency to suck your emotional life dry, lying, self-victimization, and enabling – will give you the ability to take a clearer emotional perspective on your life. This includes setting boundaries, trusting your instincts, and taking steps to darken the skies over false friends while brightening the planets of people who can enhance your life with their energies. Ultimately, taking care of your mental health and happiness is your responsibility.